Ask Ella - Feeling Sabatoged
Like so many others, I decided this year I would lose those extra pounds. I am getting older and my BMI is sitting firmly in the overweight category.
For both health and vanity reasons, I need to make it work this time.
I was well on my way to a new healthier lifestyle when I noticed little things that my husband was doing to sabotage my diet. Josh is thin regardless of what he eats. We used to dine out all the time, but I have chosen to eat in more often and that bothers him. On one hand he tells me I’m looking great, but at the same time, he’s encouraging me to eat that second helping or bringing me a treat. I’m not sure why he does this, or that he even realizes that he is, but it’s making my goals much harder, and I’m beginning to resent it. I don’t want to bring it up and seem petty or insensitive. What should I do?
Dear Feeling Sabotaged
Congratulations on making the decision to get leaner and healthier this year. Changing old habits can be hard and requires mental preparation. You’ve probably been thinking about this lifestyle change for a while now. Even though you’ve made this decision, Josh hasn’t had that mental head start. He may never understand what it takes to succeed in weight loss, as it’s not something he has ever had to deal with. He may be happy with you just the way you are and feel this is an unnecessary intrusion on your lives together.
Although you’re motivated to make changes and give up old patterns that the two of you shared, Josh isn’t emotionally prepared for this. However, it’s your body, your health and your life, and you’ll often come across difficult situations along the way. Having your spouse on board can be a major key to your success. Since you spend much of your time together (meals, social situations, etc.), it’s important for you to make Josh part of your journey. Discuss your feelings and let him discuss his.
Communication is never petty. Tell him what you need from him for you to succeed. Involve him, and he will benefit automatically from a healthier lifestyle, as well. Replace your dining out together with movies, walks or sports.
Making Josh a partner in your goals will create many rewards you can both celebrate together.
Readers may submit their questions to Ella at The CJN., e-mail: email@example.com. But Ella is not a professional counsellor. She brings to the questions posed by readers her unique brand of earthy wisdom. Her advice is not a replacement for medical, legal or any other advice. For serious problems, consult a professional.