“Are you Jewish?” a random stranger asked me recently. When I said yes, he pumped his fist in victory. “I can always spot you guys. Don’t worry,” he said, “I like Jews.” And that was the least awkward part of our conversation, for I had just encountered a GCG: a Genuinely Curious Gentile.
GCGs are good people, the kind who make friends on airplanes, bring gifts for receptionists and have never sent back a meal. Under different circumstances, you might even enjoy their company, but, as the name suggests, their genuine curiosity also frees them from the strictures of polite conversation. This guide to your next GCG encounter is designed to help you navigate the process with maximum grace and politeness.
Stage 1: the approach
GCGs aren’t generally subtle. You’ll be able to tell when one has awkwardly set his or her gaze on you.
She will attempt to communicate (from a distance) that she “just” wants something. “Just a second,” he will say, or “I just wanted to ask…” If ignored, the GCG will reinforce the urgency of his breeziness through pantomime and/or wildly inappropriate vocal volume.
There’s not much you can do here. Escape is tricky and not always an option (e.g., with co-workers, extended family). If your GCG sees you eyeing the exit, he’ll decide he simply must catch you before you leave, picking up his pace, and – because he’s still staring at you – plowing enthusiastically through everything below eye level as he approaches, sweaty and grinning at the thought of meeting Jew – I mean you.
Stage 2: “…right??”
Brace yourself – the real awkwardness starts now. First, your GCG will need to confirm your (Jewish) status –plowing into “You’re Jewish, right?” before doubling back, concerned, with “Is it OK to ask that?” and “I don’t mean it as a bad thing.”
You’ll be so unable to hide your discomfort that your GCG may actually notice. Never fear! You’ll be reassured that your GCG “knows a lot of Jews” and has “been to synagogue,” so all is well.
Stage 3: the “point”
Now that your GCG has thoroughly embarrassed you (not himself – he’s immune to that) and confirmed that he is speaking to a Jew, your GCG will (attempt to) arrive at his point. Invariably, these comments break down into four broad categories: aggressive hatred, geopolitical insight, unidentifiable ramblings, and vaguely racist compliments.
Can you spot the GCGs in your life? Use the real-life examples below to practise:
“You Jews have done great for yourselves.”
“My friends and I figured out how to have peace in the Middle East.”
“Is it true about the sheets?”
“I tell everyone: always use Jews as your doctors and lawyers. They fight, fight, fight for you.”
“Is it true about the horns?”
“I heard William Shatner is Jewish. Have you met him?”
“I think it’s great how you control the media.”
Stage 4: the reply
Your GCG has been talking at you for so long the room is empty. You can’t remember how (or when) the conversation started. You’ve been nodding and agreeing so much it feels like a visit to your grandparents. Suddenly, there’s a lull, and you notice your GCG has stopped talking and is looking at you, expectantly, awaiting a reply.
This will surprise you: the GCG has rambled so wildly and at such length that the concept of dialogue has slipped from your mind. What to say? Your GCG has covered Jewish physiology, 9/11 conspiracy theories, recipes for hummus and the short-lived 90s sitcom Phenom.
You might now be telling yourself: “Just focus on the dumbest thing they said and correct it. Maybe you can start somewhere. However, your GCG isn’t likely to care. He’s already started mentally retelling the story to a friend (“Guess who I just met!”).
Reply politely, but don’t engage. Make your way to an exit while using platitudes such as “I never thought of if that way,” “It’s a really complicated situation,” “Who can say?” and “Hindsight is 50/50” before running to safety.