A few weeks ago, there was a run on roses as mothers (including Yiddishe Mamas) got their day in the sun. Well here comes the ties and bottles of cologne because Father’s Day is almost here. That means it’s time to give Yiddishe Papas their due.
Long before Father’s Day (or greeting cards) existed, Jewish children were commanded to honour and fear their parents. And the father’s responsibilities? Rabbi Bruce Dollin quotes the statement that a Jewish father is “bound regarding his son to circumcise him, redeem him, teach him Torah, take a wife for him, and teach him a craft. Some say, to teach him to swim as well.”
Nowadays, Jewish fathers have delegated most of those responsibilities to others. But Rabbi Dollin says the statement points to deeper truths. “Maybe teaching our children to swim is really a metaphor. Fathers are obligated to show their children how to swim, perhaps, in the sea of life. Fathers serve as a model how to enjoy life’s blessings when the seas are calm, and how to work through the hard times when life’s inevitable storms arrive.”
All Jackie Salomon had to do to see all those emotions was glimpse through a bus window. In A Face in the Window Salomon remembers watching his teary father trying to savour one more glimpse of his son before his camp bus headed off for the summer.
“I whipped my neck around to steal a glance at those around me. I guess I was embarrassed, but it didn't matter much. By now Daddy was running to keep up with the departing bus. It was the only time all year he ever ran.
“Our eyes met one last time. We were both crying now. His arms flailed in surrender mode as we picked up speed. He knew the separation was inevitable and imminent. It was a race he would surely lose. I stuck my head out for one last look… Somehow the bus seemed very quiet.
“And so went the annual scene. As I grew older … the loving, tearful face in the window remained the same. It was the happiest sadness I could ever feel.”
Lenore Skenazy went searching for the Jewish father stereotype – and found some polarizing opinions. On one hand, there’s Ellie Hirsch, a Tampa, Fla., mom of three who gives parenting advice. “The stereotype is, the Jewish husband does whatever the Jewish wife wants. That’s why Jewish husbands are so fantastic!”
On the other hand, Skenazy points to Elliott Katz, author of “Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants” (and full disclosure, a friend of mine.) The stereotypical Jewish father, Katz believes, is “henpecked by a domineering stereotypical Jewish mother. [He’s] doing whatever she wants, in the hopes that maybe one day she will be happy.”
Ironically, as Skenazy notes, Hirsch and Katz basically agree. Except to Katz, this stereotype is a problem while to Hirsch, it’s great.
Forget the Hirsch-Katz dichotomy. Uri Fintzy has a theory: there are actually nine types of Jewish Dads. On TV at least. Here are some of the archetypes.
• The Menschy Dad – Sandy Cohen (The OC)
• The Proud Dad – Morty Seinfeld (Seinfeld)
• The Embarrassing Dad – Jack Geller (Friends)
• The Workaholic Dad – Ari Gold (Entourage)
• The Disowning-Turned-Forgiving Dad – Hyman Krustofski (the Simpsons)
Ah, Rabbi Hyman Krustofski. Every family has its own challenges, and sometimes work is needed to repair long-standing rifts. In a classic Simpsons episode, Krusty the town’s (Jewish) clown tells how he became estranged from his father the rabbi when the son didn’t go into the family business. (Think the Jazz Singer but with clowns.) By the end of the episode, Bart and Lisa have successfully nudged father and son together whereupon Krusty sings the classic song “Oh Mein Papa” to his father.
How long would it take you to sum up all that a father is? Try six words. Larry Smith is the founder of the Six-Word Memoir project and he challenged Forward Magazine readers (some famous, most not) to describe their Jewish father in just six words:
He lives generously. That’s my inheritance.
• Paula Chaiken, 42, Kingston, Pa., about Gene Chaiken
Dad’s matzah balls? Hard. Heart? Soft.
• Cheryl Levine, 48, Yellow Springs, Ohio, about Barry Levine
Dad, homework done, healthy. Don’t worry!
• Debbie Wasserman Schultz, 46, congresswoman, Weston, Fla., about Larry Wasserman
Zayde shined my shoes and heart.
• Donna Erbs, 52, Portland, Ore., about Max Joffee
Theirs – writer, scholar, lecturer. Mine – Abe.
• Rena Potok, 51, English professor and writer, Philadelphia, about author Chaim Potok
What six words would you use to describe your Yiddishe Papa?