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Guest uses simchah to reveal her new self

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Dear Ella,

My husband Mike and I threw a black tie event to renew our vows. We invited all of our friends, and it was truly like a second wedding.

At our age, we have a number of friends who are no longer with their spouses. One such couple are Warren and Pam, who have recently gone through a divorce.

My husband golfs with Warren regularly, and I never lost touch with his ex-wife Pam. They were both invited, and we sat them at separate tables.

They were both invited alone, but at the last minute, Pam asked us if she could bring a date.

Although we were a little uncomfortable for Warren’s sake, we decided that they’re adults and it was not our place to refuse. Mike, however, did call Warren to let him know and offer him the option to bring a date, too. He declined.

You could have knocked me over with a feather when Pam waltzed into the hall in a skin-tight, sequined, black strapless ball gown with a drop-dead gorgeous younger man on her arm. Heads turned. I hadn’t seen her for a while, and it was clear she’d had lots of work done. The two of them danced the night away as they gazed into each others’ eyes. They were one of the last couples to leave.

It wasn’t until later in the week that we found out her date was a paid escort! I could not believe what I was hearing. I am so angry with her that I haven’t had the guts to call her to tell he how I feel. I feel like she made a complete mockery of what was supposed to be a very special occasion for Mike and me. What do you think of this prank?

Sincerely,

She’s Got Nerve

Dear She’s Got Nerve

Let’s not lose sight of what this whole evening was about. It was about you and Mike renewing your vows, and nothing should spoil that for you.

Now let’s move on to Pam. When a person goes through a life-altering event such as a divorce, it’s not uncommon for that individual to take stock of their life.

Often they will do something out of character, such as go back to school, take a big trip or work on their appearance. It sounds to me like this is exactly what Pam did. She took control of the way she looks and the way she wants others to look at her. This really is not your problem. Perhaps she should not have used your simchah for her “coming out,” but she decided that she would take an uncomfortable situation and turn it around. For Pam, that meant hiring a date so she would not have to walk into your simchah alone. There’s no question that she wanted heads to turn.

She did ask your permission to bring a date, and you agreed. Technically, she followed proper protocol. Would you have felt better if she looked a little more like she did in the past and brought someone she met through a dating service?

Please don’t let the actions of one of your guests put a damper on what sounds like a very special evening that you and Mike shared.

A few years from now, it will just be something you add to the rest of your memories of what was a truly lovely and special occasion for you and your husband.


Ella is the author of Hidden Gold – A True Story of the Holocaust. Her advice is not a replacement for medical, legal or any other advice. For serious problems, consult a professional.

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