News item: “We will not be moving Canada’s embassy from Tel Aviv,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau insisted after U.S. President Donald Trump recognized Jerusalem as Israel’s capital. Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland added, “The status of Jerusalem can be resolved only as part of a general settlement of the Palestinian-Israeli dispute.”
NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh, demanding a more forceful denunciation, stated: “Everyone who’s been working on this issue knows this is counterproductive. This is not going to advance justice. It’s not going to advance unity. It’s not going to advance peace.”
News Item: ShmikiLeaks just exposed a Democratic party position paper describing how America’s more liberal party should be fighting Trump – and planning its return to power.
“Following Donald Trump’s buffoonish meeting with Navajos, wherein he used the offensive nickname ‘Pocahantas,’ we should press our advantage regarding Native Americans. We occupy the moral high ground – and have the power to exploit it politically. Understanding that foreign policy for a superpower entails imposing virtuous behaviours on others we would never impose on ourselves, it’s time to recognize Canada’s true capital as Toronto.
“It’s more practical – and fun. Toronto has 2.8 million people, Ottawa merely 947,000. That means that Toronto is bound to have almost three times more restaurants. They call it ‘Toronto the good,’ so maybe they mean their cuisine. And everyone knows the theatre scene is better.
“Of course, the silly Canadians think they have the right to choose their own capital – ha! We’re bigger than they are, so we dictate the choice. But beware. They’re a stubborn people. They probably won’t dismantle the Parliament or the Prime Minister’s Office. Those Parliament Buildings date back to 1859 and the government just sank a billion dollars into renovations. Besides, even Americans like flying to a city closer than London, England, but getting that London Parliament vibe.
“Thus, until they rebuild enough government buildings in Toronto, our ambassadors – and their schedulers – will have to plan for the commuting time involved in traversing the 450 kilometres between the two cities quite regularly. Shouldn’t be a problem. Most ambassadors to Israel live near Tel Aviv area but pop into Jerusalem, which is closer, but more trafficky.
“Those practicalities are side issues. We’re Democrats – we must broadcast our virtue and shame our opponents. And let’s face it, Ottawa sits on occupied territory. The word ‘Ottawa’ acknowledges the First Nations – the Odawa people who lived and hunted in that area. We should also consider calling that city Kichi Sibi or Kitchissippi, meaning ‘Great River’ or ‘Grand River,’ because that’s what the Algonquin people did. As you know, we stop history wherever we think it convenient – or politically correct. We ignore any modern developments we cannot shove into our PC narrative.
“Finally, this whole Ottawa capital thing is imperialist. You know who designated Kitchissippi as the capital city? Queen Victoria. Obviously, there are many imperial designations and borders the world just takes for granted – but when convenient, isn’t it fun to play that ‘you’re an imperialist’ card?
“More broadly, if we’re really going to respect native peoples, shouldn’t we be consistent? If we seek a people who are connected to the same land, speaking the same language, reading from the same holy book and even perpetuating the same customs and culture, it’s the Jews in Israel. They lived in the Land of Israel more than two millenniums before Muhammad even launched Islam. Aren’t they truly indigenous people – the original aboriginal people, as former Canadian justice minister Irwin Cotler says? Shouldn’t we thank Trump for recognizing Jerusalem as their historic capital for 3,000 years – and shouldn’t the Canadians follow suit?”
News Flash: The Democratic party has repudiated the memo, attributed it to a naive intern who has been fired for even thinking such thoughts.