Nili Couzens is a teacher and international motivation speaker who has been addressing audiences around the world for over 20 years. She was recently in Toronto to discuss “How to Raise a Jewish Mensch” at the Jewish Family Institute.

How do you transcend Jewish denominations?

I break archaic, obsolete stereotypes, as a religious woman speaking in front of thousands of people. I hope I explain things in a fun, accessible way, but I didn’t make these ideas up. The universal appeal is ancient Jewish wisdom. The Jewish people have been at this thing called life for over 3,500 years. We deal in wisdom – that’s how we roll. They call us the people of the Book because we wrote it all down. Jewish wisdom has probably covered your issue before – you’re not alone out there.

My ultimate goal is that people add Jewish wisdom to their resources. Check with Brene Brown, Oprah, Google, your friend, your spouse, then wonder what Judaism has to say about it.

Little has changed about what people want over the millenniums. The human soul wants what it always wanted: love, genuine contribution, friendship, peace. Some things are timeless. Torah is one.

Are you rationalizing outdated concepts about gender relations?

The biggest misconception in Judaism is that the Torah is full of dusty Bible stories about men. The Torah is written in code. Reading it requires cracking that code. The Torah talks about mistakes our greatest leaders made and how women set the Jewish people back on the right path. It’s overwhelmingly pro-women.

There’s a saying: “Most Jews walk away from Judaism not because of what they know, but because of what they don’t know.” Mark Twain said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

When you teach a Jew Torah, it resonates deeply. Jews don’t always know that much about Judaism. Sometimes we think we do because we went to Hebrew school. But most kids hated Hebrew school, were forced to go and “graduated” at 13. Our general education continues, but our Jewish education stays on the level of a reluctant 13 year old. We’re sadly almost illiterate as a people.

My husband said Jewish educators open the door, but you only walk through if you want to. Once Jews starts learning, they recognize wisdom. They naturally want more. Who doesn’t want wisdom?

Your website includes this quote by Thomas Edison: “If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves.” What astounds you?

Everything: a sunrise, that the Jewish people are back in Israel. I wish we’d stop playing small and blow it out already. Live like you matter – because you do. We could change the world if people just took themselves seriously. I believe people are incredibly powerful and don’t know it.

What are the similarities and differences between audiences?

The more I travel, the more I recognize we’re all the same. Everyone wants love, peace, meaning, happiness.

How do you make Torah relatable?

When you read the story and look for humanity, it jumps out at you. I also look for the emotion in the stories. For example, Noah was scared to build the ark. His level of greatness required him to step out of his comfort zone and do the right thing, even if it looked bizarre. Who can’t relate to that? We’ve all been in situations where we knew better than the people around us and had to step out of line to do the right thing.

How do you find balance in life?

My husband and I work together to support each other’s priorities. Family is first, everything else is a far second. There was a time when I felt like I was mediocre at everything and was barely keeping it together. So I stopped teaching until my kids were in school and then went back. There’s a saying: you can do it all, just not all at once. I think if you have enough patience to realize there are seasons in life, you can find balance long term. Sometimes you have to think in hours, sometimes in days, sometimes in years. Have confidence that you’re doing the right thing now.

What drew you to this work?

I always wanted to teach adults. While I was figuring out what to do, I went to Israel to pursue Jewish studies for personal growth and fell in love with it. Although I loved English literature, at the end of the day, who really cares what Shakespeare said? With Torah, everything was relevant, real, honest, passionate. Everyone deeply cared about the process and the search for truth. My teaching organically developed from there.

What’s your favourite part of what you do?

Making a difference. Seeing someone’s eyes light up during class or nod unconsciously when they hear truth. I have all the handwritten notes from women thanking me for teaching them something valuable. It’s a privilege.

What’s your hope for the future?

That we all just get along and knock it off. Peace will reign and there will be room for God if we can just stop bickering.

What would you like readers to know about Jewish living?

Pirkei Avot says the crown of wisdom is lying in the street for anyone to pick up. Jewish wisdom is available to anyone who wants to learn. It’s not some elusive club on a mountaintop. Once you start learning, different mitzvot will speak to different people. Try a little of this and a little of that. It’s not a commitment to try a mitzvah. Growth is simpler than you think: do Shabbat for 10 minutes, eat kosher once. It’s not all or nothing.

This interview has been edited and condensed for style and clarity