Home Perspectives Advice It doesn’t have to be high and goodbye

It doesn’t have to be high and goodbye

Woman smoking marijuana (Flickr/ashton/https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/)

Dear Ella,
I wanted to bury myself in my bed, never to be seen again, after my dreadful experience at a New Year’s Eve party. I can’t stop thinking about it.

I had no plans, so my friend invited me to join her, her boyfriend and her boyfriend’s brother at a party. Not wanting to stay home, I was very happy to tag along. Jarred, the brother, and I hit it off from the start. I had a few drinks, we laughed, talked and enjoyed the music. Then Jarred and some others went outside for a “walk” and he invited me to come along. I went, as I thought it might be romantic. Once outside, they lit a joint and passed it around.

I had never smoked marijuana before and didn’t want to stand out, so I took a hit. I’ve never been a smoker and started coughing my lungs out, but others were coughing, too, and no one was staring at me. I had heard that people don’t get high the first time they smoke and wasn’t too concerned about being stoned. In fact, I’ve always been curious. When it came back around to me, I did it again, taking four hits in total. I did get high, very high – and immediately. Then the paranoia set in and I couldn’t stop coughing.

I won’t go into more details, but suffice it to say, I made a complete and total ass of myself. Jarred was sweet and never left my side. He took me to a quieter place and talked to me gently, reassuring me that I was OK. He tried to get me to go with the flow, rather than fight it.

I was exhausted by the end of the night. He got an Uber and took me home. He made sure I was safe and kept asking me if I was OK before I got out of the car.

First thing the next morning, he sent me a text to see how I was and wanted to get together. I made an excuse and told him I already had plans. I was so embarrassed, I couldn’t face him.

He has been texting me ever since to get together, but I just can’t face him. I really like him though. I don’t know what to do.
High and Goodbye

Dear High and Goodbye,
It looks like “Happy New Year” took on a whole different meaning for you.

What I’d like to address before figuring out if you should see Jarred again, is why you allowed yourself to feel compelled to fit in. Instead of being honest and saying, “No thank you, I’ve never smoked before,” you were so concerned you would not fit in, or be perceived as an outsider or uncool, you chose to go along to get along.

This way of thinking can be very dangerous and you should spend some significant time examining why you allowed yourself to give into this self-imposed pressure. Everyone has the right to say no. Say it confidently, concisely and clearly and no one will give it a second thought. Set healthy boundaries for yourself.

Cannabis is a mind-altering, psychoactive drug and although some people do not get high their first time, as you discovered, many do. Let’s not forget you also consumed alcohol before smoking.

Now that pot is legal in Canada, it is all around us – in the news, in storefronts, on lots of websites, on the streets. It’s become part of the national dialogue and our culture. It may seem like nothing, but it’s still a drug and needs to be respected as one.

Smoking weed for the first time should be done in a comfortable, familiar place, with people you know and trust. It should not have be done with strangers in a strange place. Enough said, on to Jarred.

You got lucky with this guy. He sounds like he was a gentleman and took control of the situation to make sure you were safe and as comfortable as possible. Jarred is exactly the kind of guy you should explore further. He’s already proven to be compassionate, caring and responsible.

If you were able to take a chance smoking a joint in a group of strangers, after having a few drinks, go out on a limb and take a chance with Jarred.

Go out with him when you’re sober and get to know him. He’s already shown you that he can handle a bad situation. Imagine how great he might be if you were just enjoying yourselves. The year may have started out with a bang, but it was a learning experience on many levels.