I could feel the panic rise up in me. It was as if there was a huge cliff beneath my feet and I had to jump into the blue- green water. I knew it was the right thing to do, and actually a logical, practical one. However, there was no way to measure how deep the water was, if it was cold and if I would live to tell the tale.
I
could feel the panic rise up in me. It was as if there was a huge cliff
beneath my feet and I had to jump into the blue- green water. I knew it
was the right thing to do, and actually a logical, practical one.
However, there was no way to measure how deep the water was, if it was
cold and if I would live to tell the tale.
Cliff-jumping in Ireland
Thinking about it, only made me more nervous as a million thoughts of terror went through my head. I could hear my mom’s voice speaking clearly in my mind, “ Do it and get it over with.”
OK, so for once I was not jumping off a cliff, at least not a physical one. Making challenging decisions always seems to be risky, but what choices do people have? Not to go for their dreams, not to do their best to create the world they desire to live in and to experience?
I might interview presidents and prime ministers, skydive, zip-line, travel alone around the world in countries where I don’t speak the language, but frankly lots of my choices completely terrify me.
But what is the alternative? To not seize the day and to continually peering into a pool of water, stare at my reflection and wonder, what if?
Most recently, life smacked me in the face and I was standing on that exceptionally high cliff, completely petrified. I tried to find every excuse I could to justify not jumping. But the truth, alas, rang loud and clear.
I had to face my fears and make it happen. Lucky to have an extremely supportive family, especially my sister, Audrey, and great people encouraging me on. Alyssa and Chris held my hand and wiped away tears, while Justin, Fritha and Nancy cheered me on from afar and gave me the courage and strength to move forward.
When all was said and done, my mom turned to me and said, “I am very proud of you, you made up your mind and you made it happen.” I couldn’t help but feel warmth spread through my body.
It’s those words of encouragement that helped me take the leap. Being surrounded by exceptional friends and family made me feel as if I was in the middle of a group hug, not that I was alone on desolate cliff on an island in the middle of nowhere.
I spoke to my lifelong rabbi, Rabbi Mark Bisman of the Har Zion Congregation in Scottsdale, Ariz., who I admire for his wisdom and thoughtfulness, about the art of making difficult decisions, as he is someone who helps people in a plethora of challenging situations.
“I think Hillel’s statement from Pirkei Avot talks about the issue of finding courage in such difficult situations to move forward – to decide – and to take action, ‘If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?’ We need to think about our needs, about how our decisions might effect others, but at some point we have to take the plunge and act, and deal with the consequences of our choices.”
While I had not asked for his advice in this particular situation and rather wrestled with myself endlessly, I was happy to hear that while I had to go at it alone, with the advice of close family and support of friends, my reaction was typical.
Bisman explained, “Making personal decisions when there are a variety of choices, each with serious consequences for oneself and for others. is never easy. Ultimately, the person making the decision has to live with the consequences. Choices become difficult when there are good reasons for choosing any one of numerous options. Then you have to argue with yourself about which choice is the ‘right choice.’ When there is no clear ‘right choice,’ then choosing is difficult.”
I started to laugh, as no matter how I tried to argue myself out of jumping, looking for every loophole (and parachute for that matter!) I simple knew what needed to be done, and luckily, I had people by my side to encourage me.
“Our earliest sages advise us to be deliberate in judgment – not to make hasty decisions.” Rabbi Bisman said. “It’s helpful to have family and friends with whom we can think things through out loud – for us to hear what we are saying – and then to listen to the experiences of family and friends, especially when they have lived through similar situations. Because we know they are concerned about us and want to help us make wise decisions, we can more easily hear the lessons they learned from their difficult choices.”
The whole experience got me to thinking about how important it is to be surrounded by people with character, who are solid and loving. No one is truly alone in his or her fears. Everyone faces similar situations in some capacity.
Everyone stands on cliffs, facing unchartered waters. Taking a leap of faith is no easy task, even to those people who might appear fearless. What I learned is that sometimes the water is deep enough, and it’s not as freezing cold as you imagine, and once you get in, your muscles have memory and you will be able to swim to the other side. Who knows you just might find untold riches, and chances are they might include a cheering group of people, proud of you and your courage.