We assume that people do what’s best for them. We expect that everyone will do what’s best for themselves, and in negotiations, we offer incentives to the opposing party with this assumption in mind. We believe that all conflict can be resolved, provided the settlement satisfies everyone’s self-interest.

These assumptions ignore the power of hatred. In 1932 Sigmund Freud and Albert Einstein exchanged letters on the possibility of world peace. Freud wrote to Einstein: “You surmise that man has in him an active instinct for hatred and destruction… [I] entirely agree with you. I believe in the existence of this instinct.” Hatred is an ever-present instinct, and like its opposite, love, it sometimes blossoms into a full-blown passion. Its power is so great that suicide bombers are content to destroy themselves if they can murder others. Indeed, the history of anti-Semitism is filled with examples of countries that harmed their self-interest in their murderous pursuit of the Jews.

The Talmud refers to this passion when it makes reference to “unnecessary hatred” as being the reason the Second Temple was destroyed. “Unnecessary hatred” is when the hatred is so overwhelming that you engage in conflict just to hurt the other person. It’s so passionate and bitter that self-destruction seems like a small price to pay to destroy someone else. 

Rabbi Ahron Soloveichik once remarked in a lecture that hatred may be a more powerful passion than love. He noted that in the famous story of Solomon and the two mothers, the “fake” mother is willing to cut the baby in half. Rabbi Soloveichik wondered how could she want to do this if she loved the baby enough to adopt him the day before? The answer, he said, is that even though the woman loved the baby, her envy for the other woman was more powerful than her love for the baby.

Once we recognize that hatred is a passion, we look at it differently. In foreign policy, the role passionate hatred plays in international conflicts is often overlooked or trivialized. In reality, extremist groups cannot be pacified with concessions, and giving them what they want won’t bring about “peace in our time.” And in our own community, even with our own friends and family, we underestimate how intense hatred can become. People can nurse grudges and cultivate hatreds, and wreak havoc because of them. This passion has torn families apart, and made lifelong enemies of close friends. The phrase “unnecessary hatred” reminds us that hatred should never be underestimated.

So what can be done? Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook said that “if the Temple was destroyed because of “unnecessary hatred” it will rebuilt because of “unnecessary love.” This sentiment is sweet and heartwarming, which is why it is easy to gloss over it and treat it as endearing sentiment. In actuality, the idea is quite profound. It teaches that the only way to overcome the passion for hatred is to cultivate an opposite passion, a passion for love.

However, to do so requires exceptional strength of character. The Klausenberger Rebbe, Rabbi Yekusiel Yehuda Halberstam, lost his entire family, including 11 children, in the Holocaust.  At one point during the war, he was injured and didn’t know if he would live. He vowed: “If I merit to survive, I will garner all my energies to build a hospital in the Holy Land where every human being will receive the same dedicated medical care irrespective of nationality or creed.” And after the war, he went to Israel and built Laniado Hospital in Netanya.

It would have been natural for the Klausenberger Rebbe to be bitter. Instead, with a broken heart, he chose to care for the vulnerable. This is exactly what “unnecessary love” means: that we should cultivate love, even if offers us no benefit whatsoever.

May we all merit to follow on this path.