This edition of The CJN marks the conclusion of reporter Sheri Shefa’s three-part series on domestic abuse in the Canadian Jewish community. It has been an eye-opening experience, and many readers have been shocked to learn that one in four Jewish women experience domestic abuse in their lifetime, on par with the rate of occurrence across the country and beyond our community.
But that statistic comes as little surprise to those fighting against abuse in the Jewish community. “For most people in our community, they don’t believe [domestic abuse] happens to us,” says Penny Krowitz, executive director of Act To End Violence Against Women (ATEVAW). “They believe the Jewish community is immune to such things.”
The question is: what can we do to combat domestic abuse in our midst?
The first step is education and awareness. In order to recognize abuse, we have to know what it looks like, in all its manifestations – verbal, physical, and emotional. On that front, there is room for cautious optimism: according to Diane Sasson, the veteran executive director of Auberge Shalom Pour Femmes, Montreal’s kosher women’s shelter, “Even in the more Orthodox world [which tends to be more traditional and insular], there is more of an understanding that there are many forms of abuse.”
The next step, experts agree, is for community leaders to speak out against domestic abuse. In particular, religious authorities have the power to lead on the issue. “We would encourage… rabbis to do a sermon about [domestic abuse],” Krowitz says, “because the minute the rabbi does a sermon about it, he gives credibility to the issue.” Sasson agrees: “We have the tools to work with, Jewishly, and I think our leaders and our rabbis need to speak about it, need to know it exists, need to talk about it, need to make internal policies in the synagogues.” Krowitz and Sasson both hope more religious leaders will take up their challenge.
Perhaps most of all, though, we need to be willing to confront difficult issues like domestic abuse, instead of pretending they don’t exist. “I think we have to talk about it and break down the shame and recognize that things happen in relationships,” Krowitz says. When we address the issue, Sasson adds, “it gives people permission to come forward.” But when we don’t, we may perpetuate the shame that keeps women from admitting there is a problem. That’s why silence is not an option.
Without a doubt, domestic abuse is a difficult subject to discuss – but that’s all the more reason to be open about it. And that’s why we felt it important to print alongside Shefa’s series three personal essays from women who have experienced abuse first-hand. These brave women, all of whom have written pseudonymously, told their harrowing stories of abuse so that the rest of us might better recognize it ourselves.
Their stories underline what experts like Krowitz and Sasson are trying to tell us – that the Jewish community is not immune to domestic abuse, that abuse comes in many different forms, that help is available for those who need it. And finally, that we all have the power to do something about it. — YONI