I come home and bump into Meir. He’s all smiles, waiting for me, excited and happy. A small wave of horror overcomes me. “Not tonight” I say. “I’m tired, I have a headache, I had a rough day.”
Meir looks at me nodding his head. “Not that, you icy fridge. We’re meeting Victoria and Dan tomorrow night!”
The horror wave is getting bigger. Victoria and Dan are a well-off couple who adore us and invite us over from time to time. The official reason for why they dig us is that I’m an actress, and they saw a scene of my show in Israel 10 years ago, when they accidentally turned on their hotel’s TV. The real reason? I don’t know. Actually, I do: Victoria’s in love with my Meir. Every time we come to a private dinner party, it goes like this:
Victoria (opens her flimsy arms): Meir! So good to see you (a scarecrow hug, 10 seconds long). Nina. You came as well? Hi.
Dan: Welcome, guys. So, Nina, what movie are working on, lately?
Me: Um…um…um…
Meir: Nina is considering her options.
Victoria (skeptically): Is she, now? What options? Do tell.
Meir: I tell you, something sure smells great in here!
Victoria (flattered): Oh, Meir, you are so perceptive. Yes, (humbly) I did order us dinner. Tell me, Meir (she examines him), have you been working out?
Dan: Let me show you the latest art we purchased! Do you love Gauguin, Nina?
Me: Ecstatically.
Victoria: Meir, I bet it’s genetic to have such dark, luxuriant hair. Are all your siblings that young looking?
Dan: Nina, you’d appreciate this painting (we go to the home art gallery to watch Gauguin among his other famous friends). Have you ever played in a movie that deals with great artists?
Me: Um…um…um…
Meir: A beautiful painting, Dan.
Victoria: Have you ever considered having your portrait taken, Meir? Bet it’d be a masterpiece. Such heroic features.
Dan: Would you like some aperitifs before dinner?
Me (happy, as we go through a journey to the living room): Sure!
Victoria: Meir! You chose the exact liquor I would have chosen! We’re so much alike!
Dan: Vodka, is it, Nina?
Me: Give it to me straight, Dan.
Victoria: I ordered fresh oysters, Meir. Bet you love licking them…
Meir: You know I can’t eat them, Vicki.
Me (Vicki? Vicki?): Victoria! We keep kosher.
Dan: We know. We ordered the finest salmon as well. Shall we?
And so we go to their huge dining room, and all (well, most) of my troubles go away. Love the food. It’s like going to this posh, super expensive restaurant. And the desserts? Not that I’m a dessert person, yet it’s all worth while. So Victoria is hugging, petting and kissing my husband, but have you ever tried such a brûlé?
As I recall all these things, I’m still standing at the door.
“Oh, well.” I sigh. “We might as well. What time do they want us there?”
Meir is a bit less beaming. “Well… I invited them over here this time. Hey, it’s only fair. Isn’t it?”